We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
