he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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