New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
