sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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