its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
