Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
