fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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