very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
