do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
