take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The feeling are messing with the penis
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
