just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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