every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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