i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
