Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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