dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
