He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
