Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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