Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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