mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
