No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
