i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
