Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
