you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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