I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
