highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
