i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
