if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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