hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
