she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Text me some of your sweat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
