Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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