I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
