she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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