I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
