Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
