it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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