Your face is a jimmy john
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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