38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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