Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
