I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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