I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
