my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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