I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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