what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
