i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
