if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
