thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
