Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
