Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
