Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
