just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
