New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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