Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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