I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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