I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
